Thinking back to my younger years, secrets always “killed me”. I was never very good at keeping them and I was never very good at not letting them get to me. I remember the guilt, shame, the gut rotten feeling in my stomach when I was trying to hide something as a child. This carried into my teenage years where it manifested into an eating disorder and then later alcoholism.
When I think of secrets I picture people wearing masks. Hiding behind “fake” versions of their real character. Or perhaps, hiding from someone. I picture people walking past one another on the street; looking straight ahead, walking quickly, making no eye contact, rushing quickly to get from one place to the next. This is because they cannot interact. If they do the secrets and lies may manifest.
What I hear, see and smell are all the same……regret, shame, chaos, guilt. And in life it ends up turning into a cycle, doesn’t it? If the secrets and lies continue on. They say it creates a web of lies which is true as one covers and weaves into the next. I also picture a circle. A never-ending circle of chaos. That just continues to go around and around. It will never end so long as the secrets and darkness continue.
We do all have secrets. We aren’t expected to share everything with everyone unless of course, you are a lifestyle blogger (lol). So what are we to do to escape these webs and circles. To limit this chaos and disorder.
I do believe it does come down to rigorous honesty. This does not have to be with every person you encounter. It may not be healthy to disclose to the one you feel guilt over if it will cause more harm then good. But at least be honest with someone rather than keeping all into yourself.
Importantly, be honest with yourself on who you are and what behaviors you are engaging in. If you don’t like it, quit doing it! Then start doing good in your world to begin to make up for it. Find some service work and commit to it. Coaching, volunteering, mentoring. Anything to get out of yourself and into helping another human being.
Finally and the most important piece, give up trying to control your destruction and give it to God or whatever your higher power is to you. This means having faith for your path in honesty. God will work it out when you disclose your secrets. Have faith in that. You will survive. You will get through it. You will come out the other end.
Just keep doing the next right thing every day and you’ll find those secrets and lies disappear until they are almost nonexistent. Which isn’t that the ultimate goal in life!